The crux of the matter is this:
I cannot seem to get over this obsessive need to be loved by someone. A man/partner/friend-and-lover someone.
The longer I am alone and lonely, the more I desire this relationship and the sicker I get.
The more I want it and the sicker I get, the more off-putting I become and the less likely I am to find it.
Even when I am white-knuckling through the days, trying to control my thoughts and impersonate a normal person, there is stuff going on inside my heart that I cannot seem to control.
I "didn't meet" someone at a work function last month, but was intrigued. Became Facebook friends, discovered he was single and his dogs were his life, and sent him a raft of helpful (?) messages when they got out and were lost, briefly.
Wandered over to his building and introduced myself last week; had a 20 minute, very enjoyable conversation about four-leggeds, and he accepted an invitation to tour the new animal shelter Saturday.
For the rest of the week, I did everything in my power to reign in my wayward thoughts, to view them with amusement and let them go when appropriate, and to concentrate on the fact that if I was going to have someone come over, I was going to have to clean the living room and the kitchen and that was A Good Thing, no matter WHAT the circumstances. Confessed all to my therapist Thursday and got some helpful advice as well as encouragement that I was on the right track.
Got up Saturday morning at 7am. Started in on the cleaning I had begun the evening before. Showered and put on makeup and my contacts (trying to be a normal person but I'm not stupid). Made cookies (ok, I know ... but the house really smelled good). At 10:30a, he called and said he was running late, and instead of meeting me at my house, perhaps we should just meet at the new shelter. Oh, and he had to have a late lunch with a client that he'd have to split for, too, so that shot the idea I'd proposed that we take the dogs out after.
Hm. Why was I surprised? Why wouldn't the Universe LOVE the chance to watch me knocking myself out doing all the things I am supposed to do anyway (although I was doing them for the wrong reasons) and then, snickering, pull the rug out from under me?
Met at the shelter and that new building is absolutely magical, but that is another story. Chatted a bit afterwards and I asked if he wanted to take the dogs out after his meeting. He said yes; agreed he would call by 2:30 or whenever he was done.
Came home, put on MUSIC (!! I haven't listened to music for enjoyment in two years) and finished the house cleaning AND washed all three little dogs. I felt good. Not high or elated; just ... normal, like I imagine other people must feel much of the time. Had some energy to clean the house and dance to the music and get some stuff done.
2:30 came and went ... 3pm ..... 3:30 .... there was that old sick feeling in the pit of my stomach again, that feeling I am so exhaustively familiar with that comes when "he" said he was going to call/come over and there is NOTHING. Should have just done something else, but I was, as usual, utterly unable to do so. As I always do, I finally called and got the voice mail and tried to leave a normal message, breezily inquiring about "what's the plan" ... got a call back that he'd crashed with the dogs and hadn't meant to sleep all afternoon, but that he'd have to skip the walk now because he had some house-cleaning to do.
I confess; I said I was going to see a movie at 4:30 and asked if he wanted to go -- he said he couldn't because he had a friend coming over that evening that was going through a rough spot. The conversation was light and pleasant and it's possible I didn't make as much of an ass out of myself as 1) I usually do 2) I thought I did, but the bottom line is that throughout the day, I did the inviting (over and over again; what an pathetic mess he must think me) and at no time did he reciprocate.
I don't know what's going on in this man's head. I don't know how long he's been divorced or anything about him other than a brief conversation and what he wrote on his Facebook profile. I would welcome the chance to get to know him better because I am attracted to him (I fancy him, as the Brits say) and would like at least ... a chance.
But my sickness (or perhaps my tenuous grasp of reality) tells me it ain't gonna happen. Despite my conviction that it would be just as easy for the Universe to put someone in my path who could/would love me as it is for me to continue without romantic options, the Universe doesn't see it that way. This man is not interested. I am too old. Too unattractive. Too something. Or not enough something else. He's just not that into me, as the saying goes. And in a matter of days or weeks or months, he will start dating someone who, to the outside world, might not be that much prettier or younger or smarter than me, but is somehow better, not intrinsically flawed in the way I seem to be.
My therapist keeps trying to talk me out of that position because, as he points out, where do you go from there? And yet just because it's depressing doesn't mean it's not true. I spent the rest of the day Saturday crying. And today, more or less immobilized. Even with my thoughts firmly reigned in, my heart felt AWFUL and my stomach felt AWFUL and it hurt so badly I cried. What really got me going was knowing that, despite my best efforts, I cannot seem to be a normal person. It is not normal to meet someone you're attracted to, to have casual plans fall apart, and to be suicidal about it. It's not normal to feel this way, it's not normal to hurt this way, and it's not normal to live this way. But I cannot get healthy.
After eight years of trying, I've made no progress. If anything, it just gets worse. I cannot live this way: either in an agony of loneliness or making a complete idiotic spectacle of myself like a junior high school girl. I am too sick to function normally and too sick to want to prolong the agony any more.
Went to church this morning. Had the sense that perhaps it was the thing to do, although I was grateful for the lack of seating that landed me on a chair out in the lobby area. I was doing fine until Gail closed with this all-too-familiar passage from Ranier Maria Rilke's "Letters to a Young Poet" and I fell apart and left. I first ran across this quote in the program two years ago -- oh, how I have wanted, needed these words to be true:
"So you mustn't be frightened, dear Mr. Kappus, if a sadness rises in front of you, larger than any you have ever seen; if an anxiety, like light and cloud-shadows, moves over your hands and over everything you do. You must realize that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand and will not let you fall."
But Rilke was wrong. Life doesn't care. It let me fall eight years ago and walked away and perhaps it's about time I realized it's not coming back for me.
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29 comments:
I wish I was there to wrap you in my arms and hold you as long as it takes. I have been there: I have had days exactly as you described your Saturday (I know it's no comfort, but there are women who behave that way too). Maybe I didn't end in quite the same place, but I experienced the dashed hopefulness again and again.
I'm not going to try to give you advice. It would sound hollow, and I'm sure you have enough people to give you hollow-sounding advice. But if you ever need any acceptance, or non-judgement, or even just a man to sit and listen while you scream about what bastards men are and not take it personally, let me know. I'll be there for you if I can.
Shawn
Hiya, Honey!
I don't know what to say other than, "Remember that it's not just you, 'cause NONE of us get to have it all."
What do you want more than anything? A happy, healthy relationship with a man.
What did I want more than anything? To be a mommy to a happy, healthy child.
Do you have a safe house over your head? Check.
Do you have food in your refrig? Check.
Do you have a job that you actually LIKE (most of the time)? Check.
Do you have pets who adore you and depend on you? Check.
Do you have a beautiful child who loves you and thinks you're pretty cool (most of the time!)? Check.
Having been thru that depression / mental breakdown myself, of course I know that we can't reduce Life into only these "simple" categories. But, sometimes, for me, at least, it does help.
Remember, just do what's in front of you, one step at a time. Baby steps. And, I know it's hard to stop "thinking" about Everything. So, if you can, engage yourself in your daughter & her activities. When she's not there, watch a movie on the DVD player, read a book (a non-thinking one!), surf the Net . . . just do something to OCCUPY your mind. Me thinks the lady doth think too much!
And, I know I'm not what you mean when you talk about looking for love . . . but I love you! ;)
So, Splashing Rock? When is your next "free" Friday or Saturday?
I hear you on all counts! Chin up. One day at a time. It's all in GODS hands. Looking only frustrates.
I hear you on all counts. One day at a time. Chin up. It's all in GODS hands. Looking only frustrates. Keep busy with things you like to do. I have been a lone for some time and can only leave it up to GOD to put some one wonderful in my life.
I feel like you do everyday. It's a constant struggle to find love. I want to give up and say to hell with love, but I know someone will love me. Patience my friend. That's something I have difficulty with. I will pray for u. Keep your chin up. It does get better.
I cried when I read your comments on this page. It's sad to know that this is all true..I married someone who said he loved me. Yet I din't pay attention to the signs that he did not love me. (Will you give me a divoice if I ask, or My father died and I need to go home to my country in six months or I'll kill myself if you leave me) Yes I believe he wanted his papers and 6 months after we got married a phone call came for him to call home and check on his father? We got married and than it started, he avoid me when it came to sex, He would acuse me of starting an arguement just to give him a reason to get money out of me or to stay up late unto I fall off to sleep. I even lost 105lbs right before I met him I was so happy than. Than after the divoice. I gain all and than some. I now gain so much weigt back that I can hardly stand longer than a minuite without severe pain and my knees and health have also suffer. I'm so loney, I even went on chat line and met two very nice men. "However will never meet them because I too fat , too ugly from the weight, and to weak. Oh they're so sweet. I even think I fell in love. But I'm going to let them know that it could never be a chance with me. I wanted to die last week but for some reason God kept me here. All I want is to have someone to love and grow old with me. Why do it hurt so bad to be rejected
I cannot seem to get over this obsessive need to be loved by someone. A man/partner/friend-and-lover someone.
... and you wont, until you learn to love and accept yourself.
-Isol
i fell in love with a soldier and got my heart broken by him and since then i have not been "myself" for a long time. When it was over depression not only slapped me in the face but beat me down with a stick till i was nothing. and then beat me some more. but ive learned that theres no such thing as "normal", life is about experiences and our reactions to those experiences. Ive also learned that not every experience is of the problem/solution kind, some things cannot be solved because they are not problems in the first place. theres no point in giving u advice because what u have is not a problem, just an experience, and just like this one has come, many others will too, hopefully more pleasant ones. well have a nice day and best of luck!:)
its not unnormal for you to want to be loved after all its a basic human need .However whn u meet someone you should try to limit the expectations you have of the relationship. Its hard not to feel loved i have had the same unrealistic expectations about a guy for 7 yrs and i am only 23 . I am not gonna pretend that i understand only gonna say its tough and you should hang in there.I don't believe someone somewhere is playing a cruel joke on you , it will come and when love comes you will be ready .
I know exactly what you mean. Just alittle worse. I haven't had a man in my life for the past 6 years and I couldn't feel more alone. I've had many nights of restless sleep and/or deprivation or nights where I just cry myself to sleep or ball-out in the shower. However, I have experienced this past year, to "distract" myself with things I like to do, such as: Internet sales, hang out with friends/family, cook/bake and spend time with my dogs. This helps. I hope you find consolation soon. BEing depressed is not a good thing, and if we can't help ourselves get out of it the problem will only escalate and get worse. I'm here if you need me friend.
Anonymous,
Yes, like you I too have had those days. I felt like you were in my head and my heart. The comfort in all of this is that I am not alone in this and neither are you. I too have wondered what is so much better with the next girl. I too have initiated get togethers just to be disregarded without a whim. I too have prayed to be loved and cherished just to go unnoticed. But I have a hope that goes deeper than any experience and or rejection I may have. I do believe that God is real and he knows my needs and desires and that he will send that right one to me when the time is right and I am ready for such a relationship. Until then, my prayer is that he molds me into the person I desire to have. To have the person we desire to have we must first become that person we desire. I trust JESUS and I know he cares about my situation as much as he does yours. He cries everytime you cry. He is not a high priest that is not aware of your afflictions but he himself has experienced these things. So now he intercedes to the father on my behalf and yours. If nothing else, I want you to know that you are cherished by God and he is concern about every minute detail of your life. My thinking has changed about my condition. There isn't anything wrong with me that is so different from others but I believe I have been "set apart" for a certain destiny and in it is love. It's just not the right time yet. But that time will come. Seasons do change. Be encouraged and the next time you are rejected. Pray to Jesus to bring you comfort. He would be happy to oblige. Be encouraged and know that you are loved.
I so feel for you-I am going through the same thing-he ran away for the reason that whatever he saw in the beginning( a smart strong women-as he said-"The whole package"), when I became needy, he left-couldn't understand -- why do I always go for the unattainable and give everything and get left? I guess there are things to be said for being a bitch but all I've ever wanted to do is love and be loved. I wish I had as slution but I'm just trying to take one day ast a time and get through the pain. Hope you can do the same. L
I've been there myself and know of your pain.
But believe me your day will come. Things happen when we least expect them to and out of nowhere. Keep the faith!!!
I feel you totally. I too have been in your shoes and the need to love is so heavy till I can't see straight sometime. It's easy to love, give someone you, your attention, honesty and time, etc. But what is is about me that is hard to love. Explain yourself, check yourself, what are we doing, what are we saying wrong, how are we reacting and acting to situations, certain events. Honestly do we really need a man? No we don't but we all need someone to actually love us. We know we are loved by God, but we need someone physically, mentally to love here on this earth, someone that will love us and want us as much as we want and need them in our life. Is there hope, I don't know know, you have tried for years, I too have been trying and I am just at the point where I want to just give up, there is no use, no hope, no nothing. Maybe we are all better off, alone.
I am so in the same boat with you. I have posted something similar and I am in the same boat with this guy that I have so much in common with and I invite him over or out an he just blows me off. He still calls and we talk but nothing significant. I cried last night and again while sitting at my desk today. He seems so right, yet I am doing all the work. My heart hurts because I know what a good person I am and yet I don't have that one to be there with me.
I try to focus my attention on other things or change my outlook but it all comes back to the same thing. I do know that its the worst after my son goes to bed, because he makes me smile each and every day. Its just when I start thinking we are not whole that it really hurts.
All I can say is, we are strong women and we will make it through. I know I probably didn't make it better but maybe its better to know you aren't alone.
Hugs to you! I hope it gets better!
Kristin
I have been getting these emails from Beliefnet for a while now, and all are just great at giving you a brief glimpse, hope and chance of becoming self supporting one topic at a time, just a 5 minute break from some horrible daily event.
In reading this column, it reminds me of many life situations where I became obsessive over other people. The relationships that have resulted have been mixed between good, bad and ugly. AT this point in my life, I have given all and I really don't care if I meet a person, whether it be casual or not. I have not become a hermit or negative thinking. It is actually very liberating to say, "I don't care anymore and I am not going to let it get to me".
NOW..SEEING THAT I HAVE OVERCOME THE COMPULSION...I find myself in the lap of a relationship that I really didn't invite. The compulsion is on the other end. For all the love in the world that I yearned for could be had with a wonderful man (whom is my very first teenage boyfriend), I do not wish for it.
(1) I understand compulsions and compulsive behaviors.
(2) I do not feel in love nor am I ready to go and put myself out on the line again.
(3) I did not put himself where he is now, nor should I take responsibility for fixing it.
(4) I told him all of this.
(5) He is still here so I am just being a friend until he can decompress from a lifetime of social ills and personal losses. And once that is accomplished, he will be able to choose and recognize his true path and purpose. But I am not going to take on all his issues. "That's not my problem" is a very good mantra. My divorce counselor also advised me that "Life is not Fair".
I read that it takes 2 years minimum to recover from divorce (or other loss). Each major life change or event is subject to a recovery period. Learn to exclude too many changes in your life. Do a "stresser" checklist. In his case, in the last 5 years he has retired from his job (and income was cut), built a garage, completed a major auto restoration project, totally remodeled his home, taken on too much debt, now getting a divorce and losing these items, loss of two pets, losing his father's vacation property (whom he loved very much), gaining freedom from a bad marriage with a bi-polar/OCD (and I read alot about that in this website).
Like advised in other comments. Look at what you have that makes you miserable and just replace it with something else. You can't control love or commitment from others (they have their own agenda...just like in the original story..he was willing to meet once at a mutual place but that is all..his agenda was full) but you can love yourself and find brief moments of companionship. Be glad that you got to meet a person ONCE and they were gracious to give you that opportunity.
In this situation I am in. I had a childhood move from Michigan to Kentucky. I met the neighbor boy next door and we started "going together". He left for the Army and we corresponded for about 2 years. I ended up breaking up with him, as he was a few years older than me and involved in drugs/alcohol (Just say NO). Anyway, after 25 years...I get an email out of the blue. He found my information on the internet after searching a year. I was very glad to hear from him. He still owned the items from 30 years ago which I gave to him. Shocked and crying...I realized that someone truly loved me and just how much. It just took 25 years to know that I did one thing right. Validation comes in mysterious ways. He had a dream one night and he decided to follow it.
I have only been on one date in 24 years. It was last April. I tell myself it's because I believe in soulmates, but part of it is that I have trust issues. I'm bipolar and have a type of mania I call 'romantic manic', it's infatuation on steroids. It's like standing in the center of a tornado of thoughts and trying to make sense of the impatience for the sharing to start.
I studied romance in my Navy years, I gave glass unicorns, stuffed animals, posters, T-shirts, cards I wrote and poetry that spelled the lady's name and empathically got where she was coming from. I'm a perfectionist, so I went onto the next lesson of spiritual wisdom and finding the peaceful side in me. It was partly so I would be worthy of a lasting, sincere and honest relationship, partly it was learning how to deal with the illness and not thrust those problems on another.
I feel ready for a relationship, and mentally I look mostly on Myspace, but I'm so new to the concrete aspects of talking with someone and taking it one step at a time that I don't go out and actively pursue it in my own town.
My Chinese fortune cookie said, "It doesn't get better until you get better." Wow...it was so simple but true. I have been in and out of relationships for the past 6 years since my divorce. I feel so obsessed with finding someone to love me. I get depressed, cry, sleep my life away, and go out at night looking for love. Life isn't going to get better until I realize that I need to "get a grip" and enjoy my blessings. I need to be thankful for what I have and not be depressed by what I don't have. I have healthy children, a home, a good job, great family, and wonderful friends. I try to enjoy what my life has to offer to the fullest. I am now looking outward instead of inward. I still have ups and downs, but for the most part it is working for me.
my world has been turned upside down since the loss of my husband. Heartache and lonliness have new definitions to me now. I can very much relate of the feeling one gets in their heart and stomach of just pure pain. I've dated a few but it just wasn't even close to the relationship that i had had with my husband. So breaking that off is almost as if i've suffered another loss. i pray that God will guide me as i am going through this lonely path. i have 2 sons which i am so blessed to have. and they would love to have a male role-model in their lives. i feel it is my job, w/ Gods guidance to have that happen
Hello. I just wanted to tell you that I felt the way you felt all my life, until 2 years ago. I met a man that was totally into me and still is. He is the one who acts as a fool, now. Girl, you need to love yourself. Quit looking. Quit making yourself sick. When you start loving yourself, you invite, let me say it again,"invite" someone to love you for you. Quit being someone you aren't. Be yourself. Quit trying to please others. Quit trying to show ppl that you are a pleaser. Get to know yourself before someone comes to know you. Please. Do NOT make the mistake other women, as my self, has done for years. You WILL find the person you NEED to be with.
It's just not our time to have a man. I want a man that knows the bible so we can have talks, debates and somemore things in common. I have not and it's just not time for me yet. I'm not going to get depressed either but I am getting prepared. I see your getting into dancing. Go take some beginning dance classes like African Hatian, Modern, Tap, Ballet. It's never to late. I know women in their 60's, fat and dance better then professionals. Divas!!! Ballet will help you with your posture, to hold your head up high when you actually feel like sh--! African dance helps your soul, the hurting part of your soul, to dance the pain out into the universe and let go. I love it honey! PFlagGirl97
My wish for you is to find the strength to just let it go. When I was in your shoes, I started imagining a life with that person the way he is acting in the beginning. I wouldn't want to live even lonelier with someone. I like my company. I pick my mood. I am the only person in charge of my happiness. Don't waste your beautiful self on someone who doesn't appreciate you. You deserve better. When you and your potentional future mate are ready to meet, you will. You just both have to get through your own personal issues first so you can then freely love and be loved.
When I read this, I cried. I so identify with you. I don't have any advice only to say you are not alone. Depression hurts. I have felt dpressed and disappointed all of my life. I simply can't seem to find happiness. Life on this planet is not easy and I tire of it at times too. All the advice here is wonderful...but doesn't always help in the wee hours of the night. Please pray for us....all of us. We hurt.
Something similar happened to me. And although it's no consolation to hear-sometimes it's not about you. When I described my situation to my therapist, I kept asking 'What's wrong with me? What is it about me? Why me?' And my therapist (genius that she is) said-'the world doesn't revolve around you. Sometimes things just don't go the way you want them to. Accept it and move on.' I did. And I'm still hopeful that God has the 'right' guy out there for me.
It also happened to me, that as a strong woman we tend to have confident that we have no problem meeting the other person that we might be more than friends with. But somehow along the line, we crave for that love and connection to someone new that we tend to lose our composure and can make us act unnoticeably as "needy," instead. And when the other person sense that; it leaves them the impression to move away from us. It is sad that romance and dating is diff. nowadays, since I am from the old school and had asked for a divorce to my x due to irreconcilable diff. and controlling behavior he has. Being alone is healthy too, but when you meet somehow who doesn't follow through; and diverting my mind away from being lonely is making myself busy with my kids, school, and job. And once awhile in my quiet moment I tend to follow my faith in prayers, and do yoga to relieved my daily stress. And my next move is to find positive friends to hang out with and worst comes to worst seek a counselor to talk to if this doesn't fade after a year. We have to divert our mind to find positive venue to volunteer or keep ourselves healthy physically and mentally so we can eventually move on without thinking the other person.
Wow, Anonymous 1/18 8:48 hits the nail on the head. You don't want a relationship so badly that it will be bad! I had 3 childen & a bad marriage. I got out of that marriage & was so miserable, I wanted to be loved. I was in Al- Anon for many years & learned how to focus on myself. Finally I made a decision - I gave up looking & hoping for a mate & just decided to love my family & myself & guess what? True love, Married now over 20 years to the Best Husband - "My" Perfect Mate, we fit together.
I believe that My Higher Power knew that i had truly accepted life as it was & I was then ready to really love & appreciate my soul mate. I was healthy in my mind and ready for a healthy relationship! If you or anyone truly stops looking for love, thats when it finds you! Trust your higher power/God or whatever you choose to call him/her, you will be surprised. It can not be faked, it has to be total surrender with Trust. You must Believe that you are a good person and that you can handle life alone if you have to. Then guess what, peace will happen & then whatever "God" has in mind happens too.
I send "Warm fuzzies" at you!!
I know this comment comes rather late, but I hope it will do you some good. When I was 18, I met the most wonderful girl in the world, and she reciprocated the love I felt. We were married in a Justice of the Peace ceremony(God and I weren't on friendly terms, then), and in a few weeks, we had a baby on the way. Fast forward six months, and one drunk driver later, and my wonderful wife and soon-to-be baby son were gone, and I was.. well crazy is a good descriptor for my state of mind. This persisted in the form of depression for the next 13 and a half years. No dates, very few friends(after all, I was crazy, and who wants to befriend that?), and over all, God and I were on VERY bad terms. And then one day, about four months ago, I got pulled over for an out tail-light. Much to my surprise, I was faced with a sight that basically shut my mind down. She was so beautiful, that I just vapor-locked and said "Pretty ladies don't pull me over." I still want to crawl under a rock for that one.. But it had an effect. Next thing I know, we were down the road, eating at a deli. Next day, first date, and we've been in a committed relationship since then. She has her own past, and her own troubles. But for some reason, we both recognized something in the other that trumped the crazy we both suffer from, and took a real chance. She hasn't replace my lost ones, and never will. Loss like that never leaves, but she has taken the place of that hole in my heart. No more nightmares, for either of us. We are happy with one another, and seriously talking about marriage.
What I'm trying to say, in my long-winded fashion is that you never know when Love will come. I gave up for almost 13 years, and she had given up for 10 years. And all of a sudden, there we both are, staring at each other like fools, internally asking "Where have you been?". In the interim, God and I came to an understanding, if not an full reconciliation. He works the way He works, and it's not in our abilities to understand Him. We just have to trust in His decisions, no matter how unbearable they may be. I'm so sorry you feel so alone, I understand, at least from the male point of view. But I have every confidence that one day, it will get better for you. You'll find someone, or something, that will take that pain, and if not remove it, then lessen it. You're not crazy, you're not truly alone(see, all of us talking back to you?), and ultimately, God loves you, and wants nothing but the best for you. It took me almost a decade and a half and two suicide attempts to realize that. And had I just given in, then I never would have met Katherine, and... I don;t give those thoughts room anymore. I just toss them into the cornfield, where they belong. You will find someone. You won't be alone forever. And you are in a lot of prayers. Especially mine. As a complete stranger I can say this to you, and mean it: I Love You, and hope for a quick beginning for you. God Bless, and remember, you are not alone.
hi i know what you are going through i have been needy all my life always looking for someone to love me and this time i met a guy who pretended to love me used me until he couldnt do it any more and then dumped me like a hot potato after breaking my virginity and promising to marry me he left me hurt shatterd he was my one and only i would call and he would never return my calls and would cancel meeting arrangements he has humiliated me to the point where by i cant bear the shame anymore he cheated with my neighbours and in front of my brother i became the laughing stock of the village and despite all this i still love him yeah go ahead punch me on the head and call me a fool i deserve it. sometimes we love our partners more that we love ourselves that we would rather sacrifice our own happiness than let go but i have realised that i have neglected my needs for far too long and it's the me time now and am gonna concentrate on myself and wait for that special one that God has in store for me and can tell you that there is nothing wrong with loving and needing someone to love you back its a natural reaction. And sometimes when you meet someone and they abuse you and play with your feelings does not mean there is something wrong with you but rather that they are not mearnt for you and the least you can do is let go so that they can meet someone they are mearnt for and if this attitude continues the person who is holding on to your soul mate can let go of her and you too can meet and be happy there is hope and there is always a happy ending you got to believe that and it will happen thank you for your letter and all the best in your future relationships
This may sound cliche or too simplistic or maybe even silly, but what the heck---it happened to me and it helped me.
I had a breakdown of sorts two years ago myself. One night I was watching that annoying Boniva commercial and Sally Field said the line "I have this ONE body and this ONE life..." And this amusing thought popped into my mind: "What if Sally Field is right? What if she really has the answer in this stupid commercial and we really only have ONE life and that's it?"
Then I thought of all the time I'd spent being miserable and angry and sad and bitter and I thought, "My God, the TIME that I've wasted!!"
I can't explain it other than to say I literally DECIDED to stop being a sad, bitter pessimist. Am I Pollyanna now? Heck no!! Am I trouble-free? Heck no!! But in deciding to act more happily, I feel I’m wasting less of the (possibly) one life I’ll ever have. And I also discovered that people genuinely want to be around me more which makes me less lonely which makes it easier to act happy!
Cliché, cliché, cliché by life really IS what you put into it. Maybe you could try developing a need to LOVE rather than constantly focusing on BEING loved…. Rather than constantly thinking of yourself as the object of everything, maybe focus on being an *agent* of positive change in *someone else’s* life.
I’m not encouraging ANYONE to stop believing in an afterlife or reincarnation----don’t get me wrong. If that means something to you, great. But strangely enough, the mere possibility that we only get one go-around energized me into enjoying myself more this time around.
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